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Plain English for I AM BROKE

Caroline Du Plessis



Plain English: I am broke.

Shakespeare: Henceforth, let it be known unto thee, that the pocket of my garment consist of nothing but emptiness.

Communist:It is of revolutionary imperative, that I clarify all contradictions to my fellow citizens. I lack funds to engage day to day life programs, contrary to the belief of the masses at large. I am drowning underneath, programs are dealing with me decisively.

Lawyer: It will be disingenious and a misrepresantation of facts to make gestures suggestive of myself (hereinafter known as the Speaker) as being in possession of anything worth monetary value.

Engineer: It can be best deduced that the budget needed to carry out day to day operations of my life is reaching zero as the limit of time approaches infinity.

Doctor: The inner aspect of the pouch lateral to my right thigh is empty and shows no signs of life.

Physicist: The center of gravity in my pocket has shifted to the debt collector.

Soldier: Eagle down, tango, alpha, I repeat, eagle down!

Police: Criminal Codification Act of 1962, Section 2 as read with sub-section 2(c) shows the financial prejudice to myself to be zero if a thief were to steal my wallet.

Accountant: It appears the figures round up to zero, even leveraging on an escrew account and there are no prospects of raising more than zero Dollars from anywhere.

Historian: Traditionally, one would have sufficient money to confront the challenges of this world, but at this moment, I’m the proverbial church mouse.

Economist: In the current environment it would seem that im not able to settle my short term financial obligations as and when they fall due. Prospects of a recovery are very minimal.

MBA Student: As far as financial matters are concerned, my personal status reflects a punitive financial quagmire and nothing seems to suggest that I will escape the current wave of financial doldrums.

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